oh god the rape fog is back!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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