How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
