jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm passing your future prison.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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