508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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