my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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