so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So much Jack, so little girl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
