like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
