im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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