I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
