Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
