gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
