some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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