I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
