oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Even my vagina gasped.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
