I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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