i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
