the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
