tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
