I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
