Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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