its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
