WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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