Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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