please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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