party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
