Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
