i think my tv is drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
