The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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