last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
