Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I could fuck to npr.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
