I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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