can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
