she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize