my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
