just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
