YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
