Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
