Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
