He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
