dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
