Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
