they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
