pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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