why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Even my vagina gasped.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
