you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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