There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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