someone owes me an orgasm
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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