I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
