it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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