I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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