The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
