I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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