i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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