a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
