you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
