I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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