i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
