I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
