Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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