I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drake has all the answers
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
