My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
