I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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