You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
