just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
