hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
