Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
