I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
