I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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