It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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