i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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