You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im part way to drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
