Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
