he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
