You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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