I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
