She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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