But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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