How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
