It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
3pm strippers are depressing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
