We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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