Porn is love you can see.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
