I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
