Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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