We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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