he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
