We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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