So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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