Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
