I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
