I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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