Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
