Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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