you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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